Over the years, I've tried internet dating sites as an alternative and, if approached carefully, a good way to meet men. I've made several lasting friendships this way, and did end up dating a few. with the exception of a couple nasty experiences, for the most part it's been a postive experience. I decided a few months ago to give it another try, as my dating life has been, well, non-existent. I have a good social life and great friends, but I do miss having "someone special" to spend time with.
This may be a situation where I "got what I paid for" but I decided to try a free dating site. I'm becoming more and more convinced that this wasn't a good idea. It's not so much the "selection" as the behavior ofthe limited number of men I've been in contact with (or not). I've only actually met one from this site and we remained friends. What I am encountering, repeatedly, is the lack of boundaries, courtesy and politeness. (Like the guy who asked me, in our *first* phone conversation, what my bra size was!) Many of these men don't seem to give a damn about making a positive impression (like not bothering to shave or "clean up" a bit before meeting me). Many come across with negative attitudes and even aggressiveness.
Over time, I've decided that simply not responding to initial correspondence from guys is preferable to writing and telling them I'm not interested. My intention is not to be rude, but I often encountered the follow-up response of "why not?" or "you're not being fair/giving me a chance" etc. I'm not obligated to provide an excuse. It's really a "given" in the internet-dating scene that no response equals "I'm not interested." I don't take offense at this. I move on.
Last week, I received a note from a guy that I chose not to respond to; I found nothing of interest in his profile and didn't find him attractive. Yesteray, I received the following message from him (unedited):
“I feel 100% sorry for the person you trap in your web. who in your mind do you think you are? are you better than everyone else? maybe in your own mind you are however when someone writes to you with nothing but repect and nothing disrespectufl and you cant even reply with a simple no thank you. you are a selfish person. oh yes you want someone in your life but only on your terms. when someone hold the door for you do you just walk in with out a thank you? Im sure you do. you are old enough to know how to treat people. you get what you give. god help the man that falls for you. you put your profile up on here and you know very well that you as a lady (I use lady very loosely) that you will get many emails, well if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen. you need to take what comes from putting a profile on here and be respectful. you want the attention but wont give it back. you must carry on a one way relation.( all about you) pathetic”
Wow. My first thought was "WTF? Can you say "anger management issues"???" Did I actually *deserve* this vitriolic, hateful diatribe? Because I, a complete stranger, did not write back? I think not. *No one does* This is abusive language. Period. Interestingly, in this guy's profile he calls himself "too good to be true." I'm thinking: insecure, boorish @$$hole.
I have to admit, I found this very upsetting. Not because of this particular moron, but that kind of nastiness that seems to be seeping into the dating scenario, and not just online sites. I find it disheartening and discouraging. Tolerate bad behavior or verbal/physical/mental abusiveness? Been there, done that. Quite honestly, I'd rather be alone and that in itself is a very painful thought.
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